Monday, January 28

Narcissistic Curtain Calls

So here you are. You have finally freed yourself from the clutches of the N. You are moving on with your life, maybe you have met someone new. Maybe you are finally getting to meet yourself again or for the first time. Either way you feel better. The fog that surrounded you is finally lifted.  Then out of the blue, the N is back.   What now?

Again I am not a therapist nor do I pretend to be such. My writings are based on my own walk through hell with an N. My experience is my credential and I intend to share it.
Perhaps you ended it with your N, perhaps your N ended the relationship with you. Their final D&D (devalue and discard). D&D is a classic cycle of abuse that all N's display. All of them. They build you up, place you on a pedestal and tear you down so hard and fast you never knew what hit you.  So what do you do when the N comes knocking for more D&D?  I will tell you what you do. You run like hell. That little voice that keeps nagging you, that voice that is screaming for you to run. DO NOT ignore it!!!

Let us look at what makes an N tick. Let us break them down to the bare bones of what they really are. In this breakdown we will be able to see exactly how the N operates. The N will ALWAYS operate the EXACT same way every time.  It is all they know.
Narcissistic individuals have one drive and that drive is them. Their survival, their self preservation, their needs and their wants. That is it. It will always be it. N's live on Narcissistic Supply (NS).  It is as vital to them as air. Without a constant stream of NS, you will begin to see the mask the N wears slip away. And what is underneath is terrifying.  In many articles and books dedicated to this specific type of individual, the word monster is used often as a descriptor. To date, in all my research and my years of experiencing this personality type, monster is the most accurate term.

What you need to wrap your head around is that to the N you were nothing more than supply. Do you get that?  This is one of the most crucial points that you need to understand if you ever want to make peace with your experience and get the N out of your life for good.  Some N's will make you their Primary Supply (PS).  In my case I was PS in the role of a long term and at times live in girlfriend .
At the beginning I provided the exact NS that was necessary.  I was available, I was doting on my N.
My N came on hard and fast. Seemingly out of the blue were letters stating he was in love with me. At the time I was swept off my feet, he spoke of marriage and kids right away.  He "appeared" to be everything I wanted in a partner.

The way the N works is very calculating, like a machine.  They are master manipulators.  They are so good at manipulation, that most people never realize they have been manipulated until it is too late. As I wrote in my previous blog, N's are attracted to other types of personalities. Usually but not limited to co-dependent types. They know your weaknesses, it is like they smell it. A shark to a drop of blood.  They will come around, size you up to see if you would make a good Narcissistic Supply Source (NSS). If they decide you are worthy, get ready for the ride of your life!  I mean it. It is a ride you would never buy the ticket for if you knew what it was you were dealing with.

My story is pretty much like all the other stories I hear and read. You would actually think we were all dating the exact same person. Once you know what an N is, they become so easy to see. No matter what mask they have on you can see them clear as day. They become so obvious and so predictable it is eerie. The N that I was involved with was no different than what you read about. No different. The gas lighting, the bait and switch tactics, the convenient way they deny things they have said in attempt to make you doubt yourself and what it was you actually heard. Family members of my N actually used Hansel & Gretel as a reference to their dealings with this N. The stories that are so twisting and deep you really do need breadcrumbs to find your way home.

The abusive words, the infidelity and the broken promises all come with the territory of the N.  My N and I would have arguments and he was able to go from full on rage to loving and so sorry in an instant.  It was scary as hell.  I also found that I too was experiencing rages.  Rages that were so out of character.  I have my fair share of inner anger that I have worked very hard to control.  I have devoted years to understanding my abuse and what comes with it.  Before I met my N, I believe I had properly dealt with the residual anger from my childhood.  With him and through him, it resurfaced.  I truly believe it came as a direct result of being involved with someone who acted as a trigger.

I do not believe a person is born as a narcissist.  I believe they are created.  Usually as a direct result of some childhood trauma they have experienced.  There were times when my N's mask would slip and I could see the wounded child underneath.  That is what would get me.  The times when it appeared that his guard was down and he shared some of his past.  However it wasn't really a true reveal.  Not the kind of reveal that people who genuinely care express.  It was only after a particularly brutal D&D that my N would try and express some kind of humanness.  Research shows that people with this personality are basically a lost cause.  The reason being is they never really truly admit that there is a deep problem within themselves.  Do not misunderstand them when they tell you they know they have a problem.  Really think to yourself how and why this "epiphany" is occurring.  I will almost with 100% certainty guarantee that it was you at some point that called them out on their behavior.  It was you who made overt observations and expressed them.  The N will use what you said and flip it as their own self realization.  But make no mistake, it isn't real.  Most N's despise the thought of therapy.  Those who agree to go to therapy are usually doing it only to appease the offended party.  Did your N agree to therapy only to seem uninterested after a few sessions?  I bet they did. Therapy is hard with an N.  The charm that they have perfected throughout their life will be on full display and finding a good therapist that wont fall for their games is difficult to find.  You may even find yourself re victimized in therapy by your N and the therapist!

There is some debate over whether or not an N actually knows and maliciously carries out his abusive behaviors or are they running on auto-pilot.  In other words this is all they know and act accordingly without a second thought.  That their manipulation is as natural as breathing.  The jury is still out for me on that one.  I have seen my N viciously spray venom that seemed 100% premeditated.
It is widely stated that this personality all though appearing to be confident and steadfast is anything but.  Deep down they really do hate themselves.  They project that hatred on their supply.  Deep down I believe they really do want what all human beings are designed for and that is love.  They just severely lack the emotional depth.  They have created this false self for so long that they no longer know how to get in touch with their buried real self.  They are in constant emotional chaos and discord.

OK so now we know a little about the N.  When you end a relationship no matter what kind of relationship with an N, they will be back.  They are creatures of habit.  They will try and test the waters and see if their ever constant supply, the supply that always took them back and forgave their misdeeds will do it again.  Why?  Because it feeds them.  They know they treat you like dirt and each time you accept these behaviors, you are making them GOD like in their mind.  They know they can do anything to you and you think they are just so wonderful that you accept them back.   This return is called the Narcissistic Curtain Call.

DO NOT buy the ticket to this show.  Do not be an active audience member.  Please.  Just when you are feeling better, just when you have begun to start new, they will show up.  It is sick how they know. They do know.  They are like a fine tuned predator, they sense it.  They know you better than you know you at this point because they have trained you that way.  Through out your time with the N they have manipulated and lied.  Cheated and denied. Everything they have been doing to you has made you a puppet of sorts.  They know exactly what to say and when to illicit the exact response they are looking for.  To an N an argument or a great day equals the exact same thing. Supply.  Ever notice how after the honeymoon phase wears off (and it always does even in healthy relationships) and things fall into that comfortable way, that the N will start fights and create chaos just to have some kind of excitement?   They will find more supply, they always do.  Most of them have multiple sources at once.  Each one serves a purpose.  To create supply for the N.  When the N reappears and tells you they are sorry, that they cannot live without you, and they will I promise they will, DO NOT engage.

In the psychology field and those familiar with these personalities No Contact (NC) is the recommendation.  Some of you may have children with your N and that makes NC difficult.  You must limit it to the absolute basics.  Your very survival depends on it.  For those of us who have no children with the N, initiate NC immediately and do everything in your power to stick to it.  There is a fog around you, referred to as the NFog.  You must clear yourself of this in order to begin thinking clearly and rationally again.  The N has polluted your environment with their own waste and you MUST regain your balance.  They have kept you off-kilter for so long, with their withholding of information, their last minute plans, all the things they have done designed to destroy your normal balance.  Get it back.  Take control of you.  The biggest supply you can give an N is control over you.  No wonder they think they are God.

So your phone is ringing and the texts are bleeping and it is the same old dance.  The same promises over and over. The I am so sorry song.  The N doesn't mean any of it.  I am sorry to be so blunt but it is true.  Their supply is low and they are reaching out to what they know works.  Please do not do it.

I received numerous emails regarding my last blog.  Emails from people that have found themselves in this kind of scenario.  Some are intimate relationships others are dealing with a narcissistic boss or co-worker.  As always I am moved and deeply touched by your stories and your bravery in telling them.  I always say it is YOUR story to tell.  I will always tell my story.  Always.  Silence is the greatest victimizer.  Do not worry what your N is doing.  It is most likely something self serving and superficial and by now you know this is not you.  You are not a vapid shell, you are strong and have so much more to give then these emotionally handicapped people will ever be able to give.

Reacquaint yourself with you.  Get to know you.  I bet you find you are pretty damn fabulous!

www.thelamplighters.org

20 comments:

  1. thank you so much for this :) i have been D&D for the third time in two and a half years, still havent appear to hoover, but he will, and i will stick to NC.
    Greetings from Buenos Aires, Argentina

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  2. I am so happy to have stumbled on your post. I am married to an N. For 12 yrs. It is a very isolated & lonely life. Your post hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, due to my lonely life, I have had 2 affairs. Both were narcissist. In fact, it wasn't until this last one that I am trying to run from (he black mails me w/ telling my husband) that I realized how bad my husband is. Pls don't think I am justifying my infidelities, because I take full responsibility. However, I am so scared w/ my husband. I have no family to lean on (Mom & Dad are deceased) and while I have friends, they are not one I would want to impose on. I feel more alone. Last night I got into an argument w/ my husband which turned into violence. I did not call the cops because I was afraid of what would happen. I hope to get out of this before it ruins my daughters.
    I didn't mean to make this my rant, just wanted. To let you know I can relate.

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  3. I thank you for posting your experience. I am in the healing process after 24 years of curtain calls with an N (24 years of extreme highs and lows). You have written my life exactly! At least now I understand, after walking around confused and dazed after being discarded three times in 24 years, that it was not me. Yes, I thought he loved me the most, that's why he always came back to me. I am more angry at myself for allowing him back that many times and I am now in therapy. I brought your article to share and want you to know how thankful and grateful I am to you for clearing my fog! God Bless you!

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  4. I have been in a relationship, if that's what you call it, for over a year now. We met online. He seemed perfect. Always wanting to see me and texting and calling me constantly. The sex was great. About 6 months in, he decided we should be just "friends". The sex stopped. But he still expected me to spend money on him as he quit his job. We hung out and talked every day. One day he would be fine, the next someone I didn't even know. Even though we weren't having sex, he still controlled me. After the initial "honeymoon" phase, he told me that I should get a boob job. That my hair was all wrong. That my teeth needed to be fixed. And on and on. I am not a supermodel, but I am a pretty attractive woman. When I met him, I was just out of a bad marriage. I spilled the beans to him. I also told him that I had given my only child up for adoption when I was 19. He has used this against me to this day. He says mean and hateful things about it when he's upset with me. He has beat my self confidence down SO much that I now feel like an unattractive old hag that no one could possibly ever want. I am older than him. I'm 41 and he's 37. He points this out all the time. He started seeing someone and being intimate with them a few months ago. However, we still hung out and spent a lot of time together during their brief relationship. He told me that she was "stressing him out" about how much he questioned her. I believe she broke it off with him and he was back at me full force. About a month ago, HE decided we should start having sex again. He told me that it would "change" things. That if we DID have sex again, we couldn't be best friends anymore. I was so desperate for that affection from him I did it. He, however, is still on dating sights. But I am expected to not see or talk to anyone. We are now at a stage where I believe he may be talking to someone else again. I am receiving the silent treatment more often than not now. He told me that I am "exhausting". And that us having sex was MY fault. That he forewarned me and to not be surprised by any of his actions. Yet he still wants to know where I am at and what I am doing. He illicits a response out of me EVERY time. I have fallen in love with this man and have TRIED the NC rule. It only last about a day at the most. He will text and I will immediately reply to him. And if I DON'T, there is hell to pay. Like I said, I AM in love with this man. Sometimes, he is SO nice and the man that I want him to be. He has told me that he knows he is a narcissist. And that he knows he devalues all women. He told me that I was going to get hurt. NOT him. ME. We can literally go from talking every second of every day to only one text from him a day if that. And that's just to find out what I'm doing. I can't focus on work, other relationships or anything else at this point in my life. My mind is constantly thinking about him and what he is doing. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I CAN'T walk away from him......He has shared personal experiences in his life that I am almost certain what made him the narcissist he is. He has shared stories of pain. He said he KNOWS he has a wall up, but that I am slowly tearing it down. I want to believe him so badly. I don't know what to do. I am an emotional and physical wreck. When I don't hear from him, it's like I'm a drug addict who can't afford their next "fix". I get sick to my stomach and so depressed I can't get off the couch. He has drained me for money. He makes me pay for everything and give him gas money to come to MY house. He lives in his parents basement. He didn't tell me that until a couple months in. He even admitted to me that he never tells anyone his living situation until he's sure they are "hooked". Then at that point he knows they won't go anywhere. He's right. I'm so lost...

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  5. I just need someone to tell me WHAT to do....and HOW to let him go. One of my very best friends gets so aggravated with me for not just walking away. She tells me how I used to be such a strong person who would NEVER let a man treat me like this. She says I have become someone else she doesn't even know. And that I should just tell him off and walk away. I CANNOT do that. Sometimes I am sure that I have borderline personality disorder. I am completely reliant on affirmation from the N. Good or bad....

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    Replies
    1. Maybe try therapy for yourself to find out why you allow it.

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    2. Let the curtain call begin. I have been involved with an N now for almost 2 yrs, although i dated him 34 yrs ago. He is the classic N-- charming, handsome, but alcoholic on top. We hooked up via fb as i was extricating myself from a 19 yr alcoholic marriage...so guess he knew i was easy prey!! He too has been married twice, has one son who has ceased contact with him due to his alcohol abuse and lack of child support. I am raising 3 teenage boys..2 of which are on the spectrum, and my eldest has OCD. It gets better...he ruined his legal career..lost his license to practice, got 3 DUI's in 3 yrs...now is facing consequences for that. He has limited income, had no health insurance, no money...and i have taken on a mountain of debt because of him. He has taken complete advantage if my generous heart and has made a fool out of me numerous times. I am a 25 yr employee of a university, have my master's degree and yet still fell to his wyly ways. We have been on a downward spiral since June..then my sister passed away suddenly. Yes, he can be kind, supportive, etc when there might be something in it for them. I believe he has recently stolen money my mom sent from Florida to my kids for christmas...but lies about it. Ive caught him corresponding to one of his exes that was a 10 yr sucker. ...again denies it. When i took on a 2nd part time job for the holidays, often times working 60 hrs week, i would get chastized for being moody#! Try exhausted asshole!! Then come home to find him drunk or sleeping!! I gave him his curtain call this week...hes been on a 5 day bender...and diabetic to boot..I refuse to become an enabler any longer and am done caretaking..only my boys matter now. Pretty sure he'll play the victim card...but he is homeless without me. He gets minimal ssi and food benefits...but has champagne taste!! I struggle to make ends meet monthly, while he spends money on selfish shit for himself.probably has a wardrobe of suits, ties, shoes, etc worth 100,000...I could go on and on...but I wont. Stay strong women!!

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  6. Wow this is amazing. Its like ur speaking directly to me and my experience. I know im bigger and better than what ive become due to constant d&d over the course of 3 years with a power hungry alcoholic narcissist ceo type . It really is crazy how similar they all are and how similar the wounds of the people who deal with are. Thanks for the clarity hun.

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  7. My God. . . this is what happened to me. Only the N is a female.

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  8. Good Lord, it sounds like you're describing my "girlfriend". I've been in it for 6+ years now, on and off...of course. Lots of D&D. She's gone at the moment, in fact. I'm finally feeling relaxed, but I dread my phone going off every night. It just sucks. I'm a sucker though and have gone back too many times to tell. I just wish I could catch her cheating or something so I would never be willing to forgive her. I'd be able to escape.

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  9. I am so glad I found your site. I didn't know my recent ex is a narcissist and maybe he is not but he definitely took me through these phases. Most recently (we've been broken up since feb and he has been trying to get me to come back. I keep responding but haven't gotten back together), he completely devalued me in one final blow through a phone call about a month ago. He completely tore me apart emotionally, telling me everything he ever found wrong with me, everything I ever did to wrong him, how awful and ugly I am. And then he tried apologizing and asking me to try again, of course the apology also had blame in it, I caused this reaction in him because he was so angry at me for rejecting him. A week after the apology, he emailed to tell me to never speak to him again, he has found the love of his life now and he never wants to hear from me again, as he says he is finally moving on and giving up on "loving me". I haven't responded and now after reading this, I do not plan on responding! Ouch. So thankful that I am not alone!

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  10. I am do close to giving up on this 6 year roller coaster ride... Something always pulls me back in... It is the promises of a better tomorrow that he always has ... I am do confused at times however because when I talk to him, the things he says have some truth to them when he tells me how wrong I am about whatever "wrong" situation we are discussing... Sometimes I wonder if I am the narcissist...

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  12. I have been sucked in over the past ten years by the same man again and again. Not knowing that this was what was happening to me over and over again. Actually believing that I was the crazy stalker and that I was being abusive and that each and everytime he dumped me and left me at the side of the road like a bag of garbage that it was my fault. Each time there was a reason, first his ex wife wanted him back, then his son was having anxiety problems, then it was my children he couldn't handle, then it was me he wasn't sure about, then he needed space, then he knew it was me we planned a wedding, then I was dumped on Xmas day as he went back to his ex wife, then he knew for sure how much he loved me, then yet again I was not what he wanted, then he needed to be alone, then it was me and we were wrong for each other, I cannot even remember how many times he came and left and each time it was different each time the amount of time he was away. Each time he returned the compliments were so amazing, I was the most beautiful sexiest woman he had ever known, a great cook, amazing lover, great person to talk with, then all of a sudden then boom Jekyll and Hyde - he started picking at everything I did, I sniffled too much, talked too loud, wore too much makeup, or not enough, then started what I had said or done years ago, we were wrong for each other, and the punishment, the silent treatment, then he wanted to make a life with another woman. It was all my fault. Silent treatment as if I never existed, then two months later on Valentines Day the texts started, hi, pretty, beautiful, and it all started again, this time it was less time, I got punished for I dont even know and was told we were the worst couple on earth and were never going to be compatible and that was it. This was after a great day, awesome cuddliing and lovemaking session, a kiss goodbye then he dropped off the face of the earth. I waited and waited and when asked why I didn't hear from him I got it was all my fault and he could never forgive me for everything I had done and we should just never speak to each other again. Crazy enough he was going on a trip to the Caribbean for a wedding in less than three weeks and to me it felt like well I wasnt going to go and he needed time to have a date. My self esteem is crushed and I feel like I am the most worthless person who will never be good enough for anyone. I just dont know how I could be so naive and stupid and funny his ex told me he would do this to me and I was so awful to her I probably could have had a better friend in her and I should have believed and listened to her. The addiction to porno, wanting extra partners in our bedroom, the up and down, every single stage is what happens again and again and I wish I had known. It has ruined me as a person and I used to be so strong emotionally and now I am shy and withdrawn.

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  13. This was like reading the last five years of my life! He did every bit of this! He has caused me so much emotional damage and I am about to start counseling so hopefully I can heal and find me again. He works at a prison and he talked down to me like I was an inmate. He was in and out of my life for five years and promising marriage. One day he would love me so much and then I might not hear from for days. Or the next day he would be cold and hateful. He would shut me out. I was not allowed to ask questions about where our relationship was going. I was not able to tell him my feelings because when I did he would fly into a rage. It was a never ending roller coaster ride. I really need to find peace and healing.

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  14. was married to a narcissist for 10 years. He left the same night I confronted him about deleted messages I found on his phone between him and the woman he was having an affair with. I was shocked how easy it was for him to walk away and not look back. My self worth was less than zero by then so I begged him to move back in and go to marriage counseling. He denied the affair and refused to talk about it in counseling. After catching him in another lie, he packed a bag and without saying a word, attempted to walk out of the house. I grabbed his laptop and he wrestled me to the ground to get it back. I followed him to his car. When he put his bag in the car, I snatched the laptop and threw it into the street. He went to get it and I ran out in front of him and threw the laptop onto the street again causing enough damage to destroy it. He used this against me in court and as "proof" of my mental illness and violent outbursts making me impossible to live with anymore! I don't regret it. It felt good to destroy the tool he used to deceive, lie, cheat & perpetuate his narcissistic supply. When my (ex)husband gave me less, God gave me more. In the midst of my brokenness and despair, I cried out to God to love me. God showed me Jesus Christ dying on the cross for me...to wash away my sins, to forgive me, to heal me, to redeem me, to pay the price so that I can live in freedom from fear, pain, & suffering. I felt the power of God's love and His presence with me. He will never leave me or forsake me. The revelation of Jesus Christ changed everything! The intimate relationship I have with God helped me to trust Him. I asked Him to come into my heart and mind, to heal the wounds and painful memories of my past. I remember Jesus said, "It is finished". God truly makes all things new if you choose to believe in Him. He gave me a new life. I hope everyone who's been hurt will look to Jesus and find freedom, purpose & joy in a new life.

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  15. Thanks for sharing. It gives me great comfort to hear your stories about N. I met a very successful N 25 years ago. He pursued me relentlessly for 20 years and l did not give in because he was married. He told me l was the love of his life and that his marriage was over. 5 years ago he came to me with a business proposal and we set up a business together. In the process we became close and began a relationship. During this time he had convinced me that his marriage was over due to his wife not understanding him and generally being a terrible person. He would tell me about his difficult childhood and copy me into emails with his estranged wife and children highlighting their so called negative behaviour towards him. He made me feel special since he was willing to share such private information with me. The honeymoon phase lasted for 3 years. Then in the midst of his divorce he suddenly changed. I suddenly was too needy controlling emotional and reminded him of his ex wife. I couldn't do anything right. He would critisise me frequently and twist my words and try to confuse me. Whenever l would get upset he would call me unstable and would mock me. It was so painful but l held on thinking he would revert back to the man l loved. This never happened although there were moments when he sensed l was withdrawing and would try to win me back. I was emotionally traumatised and tried breaking it off but he wouldn't accept it. 6 months ago having found evidence of his infidelity with several women l confronted him. Again he made me feel l.was to blame. The last straw was how he humiliated me publicly in front of other people at a meeting he had asked me to organise and brought one of his new Supplies and whilst l was giving a presentation he proceeded to flirt with her openingly in front of her. He brought another woman into my workplace to tell the staff there would be restructuring of the organisation without discussing it with me as Executive Director. In light of this l recently gave in.my resignation. He flew into a rage telling me l was selfish to leave whilst defending the woman and telling me l am too emotional. My story with this N continues but l know it will soon come to an end as l have seen him for who he really is. Anyone going through this must remain strong and pray. He almost destroyed me but God had saved me.

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  16. Thanks for sharing. It gives me great comfort to hear your stories about N. I met a very successful N 25 years ago. He pursued me relentlessly for 20 years and l did not give in because he was married. He told me l was the love of his life and that his marriage was over. 5 years ago he came to me with a business proposal and we set up a business together. In the process we became close and began a relationship. During this time he had convinced me that his marriage was over due to his wife not understanding him and generally being a terrible person. He would tell me about his difficult childhood and copy me into emails with his estranged wife and children highlighting their so called negative behaviour towards him. He made me feel special since he was willing to share such private information with me. The honeymoon phase lasted for 3 years. Then in the midst of his divorce he suddenly changed. I suddenly was too needy controlling emotional and reminded him of his ex wife. I couldn't do anything right. He would critisise me frequently and twist my words and try to confuse me. Whenever l would get upset he would call me unstable and would mock me. It was so painful but l held on thinking he would revert back to the man l loved. This never happened although there were moments when he sensed l was withdrawing and would try to win me back. I was emotionally traumatised and tried breaking it off but he wouldn't accept it. 6 months ago having found evidence of his infidelity with several women l confronted him. Again he made me feel l.was to blame. The last straw was how he humiliated me publicly in front of other people at a meeting he had asked me to organise and brought one of his new Supplies and whilst l was giving a presentation he proceeded to flirt with her openingly in front of her. He brought another woman into my workplace to tell the staff there would be restructuring of the organisation without discussing it with me as Executive Director. In light of this l recently gave in.my resignation. He flew into a rage telling me l was selfish to leave whilst defending the woman and telling me l am too emotional. My story with this N continues but l know it will soon come to an end as l have seen him for who he really is. Anyone going through this must remain strong and pray. He almost destroyed me but God had saved me.

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  17. I feel you. Same thing happened to me for 3 years.
    I've cut off all contact.
    He sends emails to my work. Says I'm a drug addict, sex addict..You get the picture.
    I loved this very sick person and he ALMOST ruined me.
    Please people, get out while you still can. B

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  18. My Name still tries to contact me by email. He acts like he is someone else because he discarded me for a girl at work. I have to look at the two of them everyday. My recovery process from him has been long and exhausting. Looking back now I'm so glad it's over. Since I quit answering his email he is texting me now. I can't believe he has the nerve to think I would ever have anything to do with him. I was with him on and off for 8 years I knew in my heart he wasn't right, but I thought he was just over protective and very jealous. He didnt want me to have friends and if another man talked to me i was messing with him. It's a strange situation to be in. On one hand I never experienced such love and the sex was great in the other hand he was mad at me it seemed for simply existing. What he gets from trying to contact me acting like he is someone else is unbelievable. I think like the others he just wants a back up plan, but that will never work for me. The damage he caused me is unforgivable

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